Give Me a Break.

I know it's been ages since the last time I posted something here, and i really apologize for that.
I apologize because I promised myself whenever I feel overwhelmed or  like everything is too much for me to handle I'll write those feelings down. And I didn't.
I'm drained, tired and all over the place. So, let's try to do this now. hopefully it's not to late ?

My last post was on Auguste and A LOT of things happened\changed since then. And those are the highlights!

1- I got the the scholarship I wanted to Australia and then turned it down.( I know what are you guys thinking!)

2- I got accepted at GUST.

3- I had a part time job at zain for 4 months then I quit! ( it's not easy to work and study at the same time :c )

4- I bought LOTS of books and I stopped reading .. ( again, I blame uni)

 5- my hair is constantly changing.

6- I turned 19 last year. so, I'll be 20 this year ... ( when did I grow up this fast?)

** 


What's going on ?

I don't know if it's only me but sometimes I need to take break form everyone and everything.
like, all the thoughts and feelings by others are so confusing and it's leaving me .. tired in away. I feel like I'm not focusing on myself anymore and that is killing me slowly, because in a way I'm not there for me and after a while I'm not there for anyone. Physically here, but mentally no.
So, I decided to take a break ( hopefully, a week) I deleted my whatsapp, deactivated my twitter account and I'm not going out with anyone but family members. It's all about me, myself and I.
 

What's the plan ?

Well, I'm having a lot of one on one sessions. I'm deciding, figuring out and thinking  about where I stand in some causes, what's my next move to some ideas and issues I'm having AND HOW TO COMPLETE MY FIRST SEMESTER IN UNI WITHOUT DYING!  seriously, the last one is hard :P

good news are : I'm getting there and I'm already feeling lighter. ( like a damn butterfly. mhhmmm )

 So, if YOU feel like you want to have a break or to get away from people  to solve things out then do it! don't worry about how others will feel about it. Your true friends will understand, your family supports you ( if not I will ) and those who honestly care about you will pick up the phone and asks about your feelings today. So, there's no reason you shouldn't give your self a break, because YOU MATTER TOO, OKAY!

- Did this post make sense ? I hope so.

  

Birwaz Gallery

if you follow me on twitter or instagram you know that i have been a part of this awesome photo gallery named Birwaz. it's basically the end of a workshop started by Nasser " read his post here " and his aim was " to expand people's vision towards photography, towards different styles and techniques" and i believe he did ;D.

so for those who didn't came SHAME ON YOU! no jk here's some photos to make you feel bad about not coming :P

first of all let me introduce the amazing photographers i worked with

Nasser

Misha'al

Hamad

Ahmed

and everyone 's favorite Wahab

ok so now lets get down to bzbz

some of Nasser's work

mine :3

Hamad's

Misha'al with some of his work

our guest board xD

of course we couldn't do it without our friends support

و احنا نشيل قشنا

xD

aaaand we're done :')

big thank you goes for those who came to the gallery and supported us it really means a lot and for Nasser too without him none of this would happen .
* *




what they tweeted :

you can read about the gallery also in Luke's blog here

and if you guys are interested we're doing the same thing next year inshalah so keep an eye on Nasser blog for any updates ;)

thank you and goodbye

Mariam 

Reading routines tag & sexy book covers!

hey there!

so basically this post is about two things:

 1- the tag which i found on youtube and i wanted to do here

2- the sexy book covers where i am going to show you books with covers that i like and it's originally Booksandquills 's idea ..

**

reading routines tag

1. When do you read?

when ever i feel like it mostly in school

2. Where do you read?

like i said in school during my boring classes xD

3. How many books do you read at one time?

it depends though i don't have a problem in reading more then one book at one time because i think every book has its own personality so it's hard to get lost between the stories or ideas

4. Do you take breaks in between your reading?

sometimes i have to like when my mom calls me or if i need to eat or drink something

5. Do you skim through books?

yeah but no to read what will happen just to see when will the chapter end

6. How long/fast does it take for you to finish a book?

it depends on the book if its really interesting i have no problem in finishing it in a day or two

**

sexy book covers

Life by Paulo Coelho

The sense of an ending by Julian Barnes

The book of tomorrow by Cecelia Ahern

Before i go to sleep by SJ Waston

Half life by Roopa Farooki

I'm your own title! by Hmoud Khuraibet

صباحاتي سكر لـ رانيا السعد

The lemur by Jhon Bsnville

Attachment by Isabel Fonseca

confession : sometimes i'll buy a random book just because i loved the cover .. !

** 

if you wanna do the tag or  post your sexy books cover please do and tell us about it ;D 

حين أتت بفستانها الأبيض..

خرجت من العمل مبكراً ولا أعلم إلى أين وجهتي لكني أعلم إني لا أريد الرجوع إلى المنزل ، ذالك المنزل الخاوي من كل شيء إلى ذكراها ، رحت أمشي بين المحلات تحت البناية التي اعمل فيها و طيفها يداعبني قليلاً هنا و قليلاً هناك ، لم أستقل سيارتي فقد أصبحت أسير بلا هدى هكذا فقط لأني أريد بلا غرض أو هدف.

 أرى إنعكاسي على باب إحدى المحلات أرى رجلاً أوشك على توديع العشرينات من عمره جسد بلا روح يعاني فراغاً أليماً في قلبه لا يعرف كيف يصلحه أو كيف ينساه، ما حدث ذاك اليوم لم يكن سهلاً و كيف له أن يكون بعد الفاجعه التي حدثت؟، أمسح و جهي و أزفر بقوة لما كل الأشياء تقودني ليوم أرغب بتناسيه ؟؟ يوم الفقدان الأكبر!

 أرجع إلى سيارتي مثقل الخطوات و كأني أجر خيبات العالم كله على كتفي وحدي، و أقود عائداً إلى منزلي\سجني\المي، يستغربون لماذا ما زلت أعيش هنا و الكوابيس تطاردني كل ليله رغم الحزن المركون في كل زاويه و طعم الألم في كل وجبه أأكلها و حيداً، إلا أن تلك الإطارات الموزعه على الجدارن تدفئ ما بقي من وجودي لأننا أحياناً بعد فراق الأحبه نكون مخلصين لما بقي منهم و إن كانت صوره أخذت لنا في الخامس و العشرين من شهر سبتمبر  ـ شهرها المفضل ـ  موضوعه في إطار ذهبي اصرت على أن نشتريه في عطلتنا التي قضيناها في أحضان لندن، أو ربما هي رائحة عطرهم المفضل الذي كنا نتذمر منه لانه يسبب لنا الصداع، نعم مازال هناك وفاء للأشياء الماديه التي تركوها بعد رحيلهم و لا أعلم إلى متى هذا الوفاء للأشياء الجامده التي لا تحتضني.

 أغلق الباب من خلفي بعد الوصول أرمي معطفي على الكنبه و أشاهد تلفازاً لا لشيء فقط لكي أنسى، أنظرإلى باب غرفة جمعتنا و أرجع نظري إلى المعطف أنتظر صوتاً يعاتبني لما لا ضعه في الخزانه هل أنا حقاً عاجز ؟ أم هناك جزء في داخلي مصر بأننا لو رغبنا بشيء حقاً سنحصل عليه حتى و إن فقدناه للأبد!، أكذب على نفسي و أصدقني و مازال المعطف على الكنبه يهزء بي بصمت، و اغفو من تعبي دون وعي فهذا التعب أعياني لأصحو على صوت المنبه إنه يوم عملٍ جديد أتصل  على المدير لأتغيب عن العمل و أتعذر بالزكام و لأنه فصل الشتاء فالعذر مقبول و أخفي حقيقة أمري فالحقيقة إني مصاب بحمى الإشتياق!

 أتوجه إلى الحمام الذي في غرفتنا لأغسل وجهي و ياليتني أستطيع غسلها من ذاكرتي فهي مطبوعه كالوشم \ كالنحت معجونه في كل أجزائي، و بطريقي يعاتبني سريراً كان يذيبنا معاً و بعد رحيلها هجرته و كيف لي أن أنام فيه ؟ من سينام على صدري من بعدها ؟ رغم كرها لرائحة التبغ المعلقه فيني إلا أنها لم تشتكي و ظلت تنام كالطفله الصغيره فصدري كان وسادتها المفضله، ياترى هل تعلم بأني توقفت عن التدخين بعد رحيلها ؟

 وتبدأ السماء بالبكاء معي و أعلم حينها بأني لست وحدي ولأنك كنتِ تحبين المطر هاهو معي يواسيني يواسي ألمي، و أخرج إلى الشارع لتغمرني دموع السماء  أرفع يدي أعاتب أقداراً سلبتك مني، أصارخ و يعلو صوتي “ لماذا!!لماذا!! إرجعي إلي فأنا مازلت هنا!” اهوي على الأرض فقدماي لا تقويان على حملي يعانقني الشارع مع غطاء المطر و رحت أبكي بكاءً كاليوم الذي أخبروني فيه بأني فقدتك يوم قالو لي بأن قلبك الصغير ودع الحياة، لم يكن خطأك هو من سبب الحادث لكنه عاش و متي أنتِ ! إلهي لما تعاقبني على ذنبٍ لم أقترفه؟ أرى وجوهاً بدأت تتجمع حولي و أنا مازلت أصرخ مازلت أبكي، لكنها هنا! إني أراها ترتدي فستانها الأبيض تمد يدها لأتبعها أقوم من على الأرض لألحق هذا الجمال الذي زارني بعد إنقطاع يعم الهدوء أرى الناس تتزاحم على جسدٍ ملقى يطهره المطر أرى وجهه إنه أنا لقد رحلت من عندهم و تبعتها هي إلي عالمٍ يجمعنا من جديد ...

I'm in love

Love is a well known word, everybody sings about it, talks about it, writes about it but what's love really ? 

everyone has their own definition. some sort of. people think that love is all about having that one person that you can see your future with and you know deep inside that he\she is the one because they make your life perfect, they make it a whole,and that's not wrong .. i guess, i think it's kinda sweet to believe in such thing but some people take it to the extreme they desperately " search" for love or for that one person, and by search i mean they hook up with every opportunity they have hoping it will work just fine!, it's like they're putting their heart out there unguarded and everyone can step in ! and that's WRONG!!!!!

You don't search for love love finds you, because no matter how hard you hate some one or you want to love some one you can't force your heart to do it, it's his job not ours, and yes we may fall for the wrong person along the way it's totally fine you just need to get up fix your heart and move on !, I know what are you guys thinking " easier said than done"  i agree it's not easy but it's not impossible, believe me in this life we always find those who we meant to find it's a universal rule ... or just mine either way  it works, so don't force your self to love someone don't try to search for love, you're heart isn't a toy and please don't misbehave in the name of love don't ruin the only magic we have on this earth !

I've crossed numbers of girls that say " i want to have a boyfriend " " i want to be in love" " i want my own fairy tale " , i understand that love is sweet and everybody wants a taste of it but when the time is right you will so BE PATIENT people  focus on the small things that are served by\with love, like your best friend hug or your parents smile even the rain drops in the grass and the cool breeze in the morning, love is everywhere [ feel it .. embrace it .. and finally share it ]

PS: if you ever wondered about the possibility of loving more than one person in the same time i have the answer and it's yes it could happen because right now I'M IN LOVE with two guys in the same time , the first one is Carter from night school and the second one is Tom Hiddleston " Loki" .. <333

^

Tom 

***

in twitter i asked " what's love" and these the answers i got :

Noura : Love is a misused term that's been manipulated with these days. Love is family .

Fajer : من عمري مادري جم وانا اكتب عن الحب وللحين ماتوصلت للاجابة على هالسؤال ‎:)‏)) !! الحب هو الحب وكفى

Ja'afar : no one can describe love until one himself experience it. But personally, love is the most incredible feeling of all time.

Mariam : You cant put your finger on what love is exactly by definition, everyone feels & defines love in their way.

Shaima'a : love cant be explained by words .. Love is simply love it show in your actions ur behavior ur laugh ur eyes even ur tears

Shahad : Love can be either the best feeling in the world or the worst.

Anwar : 3 dates and زواج مخافر after.

Adnan : love can be broken to parts, i only found 1 part, that is knowing the other partner cares for u, good luck finding the rest

Sumaia : haven't tried it yet, but I've heard good things.

Fatma : Love is putting up with someone's bad qualities because in someways they complete you. 

Hmoud : Everyone feels it in his own way, you can't explain it .. some people can love their pets and find some sort of love in it.. it can the best feeling or the worst..